photo by Kevin Collier On December 21st myself and DJ Rob Reedy went down to The Club at Firestone to see the notorious DJ Funk muscle in on Saturday Thursday. We rolled in at around midnight and it wasn't long after that Funk hit the tables in the main room. For the next two in a half hours, Funk held it down spinnin' his whole repertoire [though the last 45 minutes or so he basically started the set over]. Try as I may, I can't remember a single track that didn't tell the audience to shake, bounce, or clap their ass. And if it didn't, it said something about riding a or popping one's pussy. Orlando's been slowly garnering the attention of a lot of hot deejays thanks almost solely to our boys at Saturday Thursday, and as bangin' as Girl Talk and Diplo were in the past, DJ Funk left us utterly exhausted. I mean, he never stopped knockin' out club bangers so how could we stop dancing? Not that we weren't happy to oblige. Funk laced his selections with some quick burst mic chatter, singing along to the tracks, letting us and his mom know that he needs weed in his life, and telling one lucky fan who chose to grind up on him, "I got condoms. She don't know me." The usual bevy of beautiful people were there to show their faces at what S/T dubbed XXXmas. This was also due in part to the presence of Fairvilla Megastore representatives handing out koozies, flyers, and cards redeemable online for 20 free minutes of porn. This gang consisted of two or three guys with necks bigger than my head, one of whom I'm pretty sure was Liam Howlett from the Prodigy. They spent most all the night lined up horizontally in front of the DJ booth bobbing there heads and throwing their hands back and forth at Funk. It was in no way annoying, I guess I just look for something a little sexier and more female oriented in my porn store representatives. When 2:30 rolled around I was glad to head home drenched in sweat with visions of half-naked girls, Funk clad in a Bills jersey talking about condoms and weed, and some gay guy who grabbed my face and tried to kiss me dancing in my head. Merry Fucking Christmas Orlando. Story by Matt Harrison